Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
