My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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