we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
