Betty ford says i'm here all night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
