I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Small penises have feelings too.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
