His pubic hair was longer than his dick
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
