I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
