You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she smelled like a LAN party
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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