We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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