Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
