Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
