ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
