Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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