I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
