oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
