Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
