farters have to be the big spoon...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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