Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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