Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
