Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
