haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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