Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
