i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
