Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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