Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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