last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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