some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm always down for nudity.
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