At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
