We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
