Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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