You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
