I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
