I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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