Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
