I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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