Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
