I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
