Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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