And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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