You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
