Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
