but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
