Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
