I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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