tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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