she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
