margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
