I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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