i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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