i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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