so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
